too long time

it's been a bit since i wrote.

a lot has happened.
i moved.

i now live with Francine, my bestie, and my boyfriend Nathan.

our apartment is the CUTEST of CUTE!

Fran and i spent all weekend and even yesterday fixing it up... even though i 've lived here 3 months.
we went to IKEA twice, and spent a total of near $300 on decor.
it's worth it tho, the place looks great.

i don't know if i mentioned my cat Moxie.
if so, i still have and love him! if not, i got a cat. his name is moxie.
so now we three live here with the TWO cats, Mox and Magheria.

i had a great day, and i was very happy.. very.
until i got home and had a talk with Fran, who had had a talk with Nathan.
This talk was about weddings. and marriage.
and WHEN it's going to happen.
turns out it's not.

i feel like crying, infact, i might. Nate has been talking about getting married for over 2 years. but that's all. just talking.
and i feel so hurt. because i can't understand what he's waiting for. He is the one who initiated the let's talk about marriage conversation to begin with, 4 months after we met.

now, just shy of 3 years together, i'm still waiting on the REAL question.

i hope he asks on our 3 year anniversay, OR BEFORE>
and if he doesn't.
i'm breaking up with him.

Period.

it will suck.
a lot.
because i love him. and i WANT to marry him.
but i will not wait forever.
i will not be one of those girls who dates a guy for 8 years or more, and sits around every day waiting for a question he'll never ask.

Nate told Fran today that he had no intention of asking me anytime soon.
i wonder if he has intentions of packing? because he will be.

i'm just really sad.
i feel like he wont ask.

He says its because he's broke. but i dont buy that.
i know he owes me nearly $200, because i have to cover his part of some of the bills, but i told him not to worry about it. why should he? because it's LIKE we're married. we live together, and share pay together, and all other married things.

except i put a haitus on sex till, we say our vows.

looks like he wont be getting any for a looooooooooong time.

ooooo. my heart. i just don't even know what to think.

i feel like i WOULD be worried i was rushing him. pushing him into something he doesnt want.
except he started it.
and why even say something, many times, if you're not serious.

i know numerous guys have asked me to marry them before. but never for real. always joking. i hate that.
i hate when i guy jokingly asks you to marry him. you know he's not serious.
ass holes.

and nathan is the biggest of them all.