losing it

i've been with nathan for 2 years and 4 months.

99% of the time has been great. 99% of the time, he's the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend.... because i'm pretty sure that physically/emotionally, he meets both categories.

but 1% of the time.... well... maybe the 99/1 thing is not quite right....
maybe i should just say SOMETIMES, he really, really, REALLY gets to me.

and those times, are when he's drinking.

which used to only be every now and then.... but now.

everytime we go eat, he drinks.
everytime we go to the grocery store, he wants something to drink.
everytime he comes over on a weekend, he at least WANTS to drink.

i found out that he started going to the bar down the street from his house, and drinking.... alone.
isn't that a sign of an alcoholic?

i dont like people to drink alone. i think that's sad. and ridiculous.
unless you are sad... and or ridiculous.

i dont have anything against drinking, i love drinking.... in moderation and with responsibility.
and i NEVER do it alone.

i drink socially.
i wouldn't mind if thats how he always drank.
but alone? at least once a week?

and its not even just the drinking.
its the acting like a foolish child, while drinking.

i understand being drunk. and i know that you can't really help things that you do.... to an extent. but you know what, you have an idea of what you are doing. you should know when enough is enough.
you should know, that when you are rolling around on the ground in the 30* weather, in a t-shirt, you are cold and need to go in.
and why on earth be rude? i mean. really really rude!

i just dont understand people. really.
i just dont.

and anyway.
i feel hurt, embarrased, and in second place to alcohol. and i dont want to live this way.
i can't live this way.
it hurts. all the time. and im better then this.

nathan is my hero, my best friend, the one i want to marry.
but i can't do this shit.

he has to choose.
me, or booze.

......that was not supposed to rhyme.