the ultimatum

so, reading over my blog.

i realize that ive been upset for longer than i thought

the truth is. i got so discouraged waiting for nathan to propose, that i was angry all of the time.

im not going to pretend its all better, because its not. its a little better, but just that. a little.

after the holidays were over, and i was still without the one thing i wanted **the ring** i told him that he needed to make up his mind what he wanted in life.

i know this was an ultimatum of sorts, but thats not really what i wanted. i really just wanted to let him know how i felt. but there was no way to do that with out it being an ultimatum.

pretty much what i said was: we've been together over 3 years, and i told you when we first started dating, that i would not wait more than 3 years. By that time, a person should know if they can spend forever with the other, or not. AND we live together. either you know we can make it last, or we cant. and im not saying make up your mind now, but you need to soon. we can still be friends if you want to, but if you arent going to marry me, then say so soon, because although im not breaking up with you now, i will. soon. if you dont proove to me that i shouldnt.

because honestly.

why should i waste my time?

im 24 years old. and i want to start a family in the next 5 years. so if you arent planning on taking that journey with me, then hit the road. because i have a life to live.

SOOOO on top of all this.

for the past 3 + years, i have also been in love with someone else ***I KNOW!!***

did you see THE NOTEBOOK?

its similar to that, in the sense that i love them both.

i do love nathan, and if he were to propose, of course i would say yes, and mean it, and we would live, if not always 'happily', at least together forever.

but then. if for some reason, the 'other' were to come in to my life more securely, and ask me out... or, **silly me** propose!! ((yea right!))

then i would say yes! OMG! how shocking.

but i would. and i could see my life with him too.

ARGH!

i just dont want to make the big decisions alone.

someone do something!